Saturday, November 24, 2007

Sean left for San Francisco

My brother, Sean, moved to San Francisco today. I am overwhelmed with how much harder it is that I thought. In my life, I’ve been the one doing most of the leaving. I’ve been the one who goes off on an adventure and doesn’t look back at the people I leave behind.
He has been here for so much. He literally hitched a freight train and traveled across the country to be here for Owen’s birth – and he never left! After Hurricane Katrina, he went and gave his hands and time to help wherever he could – twice! But, he came back. Owen has fallen in love with his Uncle Sean and really, so have I. It is so different this time – to have experienced life and grown – and to share that. And then Ella came and Sean was still here. I never saw him cry over the pain she has felt, but I see how he looks at her and how his love for her has grown.
No one knows how hard these months have been for me because I haven’t told anyone, really. But, I think Sean knows. Through the little that was spoken and the lot that was unspoken, he knows. And I feel so torn about my secret leaving and being unknown again.
I watched The Parent Trap starring Lindsay Lohan yesterday and sobbed through that kids movie. I knew I was going to be in trouble today.
As we were hugging good-bye and crying, I told Sean it was time; he needs wide open spaces. And it is true, I just wish I was going with him.