Saturday, August 25, 2007

We give thanks to you with gratitude for lessons learned in how to trust in you


I had a thought today: If God came to me today and said "We can start over. Ella will be born - same personality and looks - but without all the pain and suffering. There will be nothing wrong with her body." Would I take the trade? Would I start over and erase the pain that has nearly killed us?


I asked Nick a question today: If God came to you and said "We can start over. Ella will be born - same personality and looks - but without all the pain and suffering. There will be nothing wrong with her body. Would you take the trade?"


And without hesitating, my husband loved us more than I'd ever felt before. He said "No way. We are better people now. We are changed from going through all this. We are better parents and better leaders and better people. I would never change any of it."


I guess Ella wouldnt be Ella without this experience. I guess she might not be such a warrior and so full of joy without an experience to contrast her life with. She will have such a story to tell and she will always be a testimony of God's healing.


I really respect Nick for saying and believing what he did. It is not as if we are through this. It is not as if all the surgeries are done and the doctors are off our backs. It's not as if she is totally healed and cured and living life as normal. And for him to say that in the midst of our greatest pian, he wouldn't change a thing...


I am glad he is becoming such a strong man. I wouldn't trade Ella for the world - but to live life without feeding tubes and surgeons and fear, would I give it all up?


I don't understand why or how, but, I, a very hurting person, don't think I would.

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