Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I Pour Out My Heart

Here I am, once again
I pour out my heart for I know
Every cry, You are listening
No matter what state my heart it is in
You are faithful to answer
With words that are true and heart that is real
As I feel your touch
You bring a freedom to all thats within
In the safety of this place
I'm longing to
Pour out my heart to say that I love you
Pour out my heart to say that I need you
Pout out my heart to say that I'm thankful
Pour out my heart to say that you're wonderful
So wonderful

Yesterday turned from good to bad in an instant. I thought I could handle it this time. I thought I could research aspects of Ella's medical problems and gain some understanding that would bring healing and hope. But, as I should have known, the words I read just brought pain and fear.

And as I sat holding Ella's feeding tube, I laid my head down on her lap and sobbed. This is too much. She is too little.

Information will not make me strong. Knowledge will not give me peace. But, God's grace will give me strength and peace you can't find anywhere else.

And as our iTunes library shuffled, I heard a favorite song. I remembered sitting on the roof of my college in Jerusalem with my dear friend Bethany and we would pour out our hearts to God. That was the only song in my life that I didn't worry about how out of key I was or that I could not sing. I was able to pour out a sincere heart to my God with my friend.

That memory - actually having one - brought me some happiness. But remembering the feeling of Jerusalem at our feet and Jesus in our midst, brought me peace and joy.